Elf Bowling: The Movie (2007)

If you think a movie based on a video game would have a tenuous raison d'etre and story line, Elf Bowling -- based on a series of popular Internet games from nstorm.com -- should be more lame than Transformers or either Lara Croft movie. And it is. However, it's not as bad as you'd expect. It's not great but it's not a stinker. In short, it pales slightly in comparison with any of the Christmas classics, but it's creative enough to ride in on their coattails. The computer graphics are acceptable (esp. the elves' toy workshop, which resembles a Kids Next Door headquarters stuck in the middle of a Willy Wonka theme park) and I was impressed by how much of a story line they were able to shoehorn into a virtually nonexistent premise. In essence, our story begins with the toy-thieving pirate Captain Santa Maria Klausawitz Kringle (Joe Alaskey) and his devious brother Dingle Kringle (Tom Kenny). It's The Road to Eldorado meets Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and the Island of Misfit Toys. The plot stretches credulity and is a little hard to follow -- I will admit to nodding off through parts of two viewings -- but Klaus and Dingle encounter a North Pole settlement of toy-making elves who make billions of toys with no takers. They scheme to become the takers under the guise of a business partnership but Klaus grows in altruism and sympathy for the world's children in contrast with Dingle's deviousness. Klaus marries the Teutonic streudel chef while Dingle takes up with a tall stacked harpy (possibly voiced by Jill Talley, who is Karen the Computer Wife in Spongebob Squarepants and Boob Woman in American Dad!). The music is nice and the dance numbers are passable. Either way you swing with Elf Bowling, it's a heck of a lot better than Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer and -- my ultimate weathervane of turdishness -- Doggie Poo. 3 stars.