Doggie Tails (2003)

First of all, I do not want to hear anyone complain that Doggie Tails is a waste of time who has ever indulged in time-wasting YouTube videos of piano-playing cats, water-skiing squirrels, and the like. (You know who you are.) Second, kvetching is disqualified from those who say they could have made a better movie themselves. (Those who can, do; those who can't, kvetch.) Third, if you're a grownup or anyone older than 8 with two functioning brain cells, you can't expect Doggie Tails to be Gone with the Wind or even Benji. It was written not for you but for 2- to 5-year-olds (and even younger) -- the Teletubbies to Barney set, not discerning adults. It's true that Doggie Tails is not as professionally produced as Teletubbies or Barney -- but it is above the grade (albeit slightly) of a homemade or YouTube video. And, like Barney, it may have a noxious effect on adults and anyone older than 5-8 because its target demographic -- clearly posted and an apparently successful one, from reading all the reviews -- is ages 2-5. Having said all that, I agree that the guy who does Lucky the shih-tzu's voice sounds like South Park's Mr. Hanky. The voice of the male rat terrier starts yukking it up like Barney. Yes, there is plenty to critique from an adult point of view -- but to tots, it's all about the dogs. There is a definite story, though it's kid-sized: While his family goes on a trip, Lucky gets to meet and talk with all the other dogs about feeling insecure during this first stay at a dog hotel. Video snippets of the other dogs' visions of "dog paradise" such as a dog park or playground where dogs frolic and doggie treats appear "like magic" to be snarfed up should keep tykes mesmerized. Different breeds of dogs are explained at the end. At 30 minutes, you should stream not rent Doggie Tails. 2.5 stars.