SpongeBob SquarePants: The Movie (2004)

No one in their right adult mind becomes a Spongebob fan. Friends don't encourage friends to acquaint themselves with the goofiest of goobers. These provisos aside, you don't watch Spongebob Squarepants unless you still are in touch with your inner rugrat. So once you've surrendered your will and allowed your brain to be basted in the sheepdip soup that is Spongebob, I wash my hands of all responsibility. The outcome of your sanity is on your own head. The first Squarepants movie begins as Eugene Krabs prepares to open the Krusty Krab 2 restaurant. Plankton stumbles upon a long-forgotten plan to steal the Krabby Patty formula that involves co-opting King Neptune and (still) taking over the world. This time though it actually works! To save the day, Spongebob and Patrick go on a dangerous quest that tests the seriousness of purpose belied by their disingenuous childlikeness. Through it all, though, they remain truly unabashed Goofy Goobers. (Sing out loud on Goofy Goober Rock!) Be prepared to witness a few brief cartoon wardrobe malfunctions and if your eyes cause you to sin on seeing David Hasselhoff in a Speedo, well, you know what to do. Again, this one's for the kiddos so if you're a grownup, stay away if you can manage it at all -- unless you've already gone over to the Wet Side. The guest voice talent (Jeffrey Tambor, Alec Baldwin, Scarlett Johansson) is fairly good all around and David Hasselhoff does a cheerfully campy job in his (mostly) live-action role. The extras include two making-of featurettes and two marine-life minidocumentaries (one with a droll Jean-Michel Cousteau) that my preteen son enjoyed. 3.5 stars.