Visitors (2006)

I almost never say this about any movie, but you can safely (and should definitely) skip Visitors. Its first 10 minutes are "so bad that it's good" (almost) but the next 40 minutes are all downhill from there (and the last 2 minutes are outtakes that are exponentially the worst). If you hear "mockumentary" and think of Spinal Tap, then Visitors is like your weird uncle Al doing an hour-long riff on those cheesy space-alien "documentaries" a la America's Funniest Home Videos. Every scene is the same guy in the same glasses with a different hackneyed accent -- this sums up the entertaining part of the show -- with fake buck teeth or a giant mole and a different wig, going on with his character's "expert" or "eyewitness" testimony about storied alien encounters during the Civil War, WWI, the 1950s, and so on (interspersed with cheesy transition graphics and grainy still photos or video clips, of course). Place names (like Turkey Gizzard Cheeks) and character names (like the transvestite Gen. Bodsworth or the burr-tongued Sir Angus MacGranish) are mildly amusing but rapidly wear out their welcome -- and one character (the shifty-eyed Mickey Tandouri and literally a towelhead) is just offensive. The grainy video clips of an undercover space alien as he chills out at home in Canada over a beer may urge you to pluck out your eyeballs for boredom. Step away from this video; I endured the whole thing so you don't have to. (Truth: Of the worst things I have seen to date, even Strangeheart, Throg, and Doggie Poo are better than Visitors.) You have been warned. 2 stars.