Sharknado (2013)

Sharknado: The term itself conveys all the contempt for intelligence and "good movies" that the producers intend. It goes without saying that any viewing of this celluloid excretion is a waste of time, except to practice spit-takes and sneers born of your intellectual superiority (even if you failed grade school). Any amount of words I expend here are similarly a waste of time and talent, but I do so to exorcise this thing from my brain and to kick it when it's down. All that being said, Sharknado is no Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. Now there was an unrepentantly crappy movie that was funny, entertaining, and even worth repeated viewing (by those with the properly motivated self-flagellating personality). The producers of Killer Tomatoes didn't care how bad their movie was -- and they achieved their target, while overshooting it and making it creatively bad! On the other hand, Sharknado, brought to you by those ill-equipped purveyors of utter dreck (Asylum and Sy-Fy), tried yet again to deliver a show that competes with professionally crafted movies for acceptable production values (plot, script, acting, editing, sound) -- and again mortally fell short of every semblance of credible artistic skill. This film is full of scenes where the sky is clear one second, and the next second a ravaging vortex is engulfing the building within arm's reach of the cast (yet they are standing in a breeze). This film is full of scenes where the cast encounters a challenge they must solve and -- count from 1 to 5 seconds -- you can watch everyone's heads weave and wobble as they wrack their brains as a group. The big solution in the end is to fly a helicopter into a series of tornadoes -- impossible! -- and throw cobbled-together "bombs" out of an open door -- impossible! -- to try to blow up hundreds of soaring, chomping sharks that have been out of water for lethal periods of time -- impossible! -- and even snuff out entire tornadoes with a single "bomb" -- absolutely freaking impossible! I finally watched Sharknado for the entertainment value of its sheer stupidity but was surprised at how they outdid themselves with exceptionally poor sound editing, film editing, and (of course) special effects. Enjoy? 2 stars. (6-8-2016)