Salem's Lot (2004)

Stephen King's thriller Salem's Lot is a bit hoary for a vampire invasion tale but Rob Lowe and the denizens of Salem's Lot provide a steady dose of contemporary suspense, tragedy, and gore as well as courage and humanity. The script is literate and quite poetic, Lowe is an effective narrator and a keen protagonist, and baddies played by Donald Sutherland and Rutger Hauer heighten the creepiness even as malevolence in the town assumes epidemic proportions. Look for inside references to Stand By Me and Cujo as Lowe plays a former Maine small-town boy, now a successful (if controversial) author, who returns to his hometown to address a traumatic childhood experience (his discovery of a triple murder) through investigation, reflection, and writing a book about it. He discovers a hell of a lot more than that in a conspiracy that picks up where Nosferatu and The Invasion of the Body Snatchers left off. James Cromwell plays a chummy Irish priest who is spiritually (vampirically) adulterated in the end. I had to rent this title from a competing service -- by just walking into a store and picking up a copy -- since it has been in Save status here for a number of years. 4 stars.

The Pacifier (2005)

Vin Diesel can never be counted on to act per se, however, he is making a name for himself as a sculpted wooden prop who can mouth his way through a passable script. He's like a schnauzer or a bulldog next to Arnold Schwarzenegger's Rottweiler or Dwayne Johnson's doberman. Vin in The Pacifier is a lesser Ahnuld in Kindergarten Cop or Dwayne in Game Plan. This is a Disney movie so more than formulaic, it is at times downright artificial, sappy, and manipulative; but like Spy Kids or Cats and Dogs, it is a feel-good movie at heart and that counts for something. (It got to me a bit in the end.) In fact, I would have probably given The Pacifier 4 stars if not for the internecine dustups between girl and boy scout troops outside a grocery store and the dopey role of a bullying wrestling coach played by Brad Garrett (who gets humiliated by Vin before he "finds his calling" boogying in a nun's habit during a stage production of The Sound of Music). It stretches credulity beyond even the threshhold of a Disney movie that Vin's character, a no-nonsense Navy Seal, can adapt overnight to the rigors of being a 24/7 nanny, resolve everyone's life issues, and win over the hearts of all in the family. (Where are all the younger kids while he is directing the oldest child's stage musical?) I also liked Faith Ford as the mom, however, she disappears for two weeks of the storyline, supposedly offering guess after guess to a Eurobank password "for reasons of national security." Ri-i-ight. On a lesser note, expect a range of grossout diaper and mild fart humor. On the whole, The Pacifier is better than RV -- though outclassed by Cats and Dogs. 3.5 stars.

Starz Studios: Rango / Take Me Home Tonight / The Adjustment Bureau (2011 )

This 12-minute Starz Studios featurette aptly and attractively presents the following movies: The Adjustment Bureau (2.5 min), Rango (1.5 min), Beastly (2.5 min), Take Me Home Tonight (1 min), Happythankyoumoreplease (2 min), Ceremony (2 min). After viewing these presentations, I am even more keen on seeing The Adjustment Bureau and Rango and have become quite interested in seeing Beastly, Happythankyoumoreplease, and Ceremony. Take Me Home Tonight still fails to impress. 4 stars.

Starz Studios: Big Mommas: Like Father/ Like Son/ I Am Number Four/ Unknown (2011)

This 12-minute Starz Studios featurette presents the following films: I Am Number Four (2.5 min), Unknown (1.75 min), Big Mammas: Like Father and Son (.75 min), an interview with Melissa Leo from The Fighter (2 min), Vanishing on 7th Street (2 min), The Chaperone (.75 min), and The Adjustment Bureau (2 min). After seeing these previews, I remain most intent on seeing Unknown and The Adjustment Bureau and on not seeing Big Mammas. I became more interested in seeing I Am Number Four and Vanishing on 7th Street. I have no interest in seeing The Chaperone. 2 stars.

Starz Studios: Drive Angry 3D / Hall Pass (2011)

This Starz Studios 12-min featurette attractively presents the following movies: Hall Pass (a man's wife inexplicably gives him a one-night pass for extramarital sex), Peep World (a successful author brings out all the dysfunction in his family), Drive Angry 3D (Nicolas Cage drives hellbent cross-country with a tough hot babe), Of Gods and Men (Christian monks in Algeria wrestle with leaving or staying prior to being taken hostage by Muslim fundamentalists), Rango (quirky new-sheriff-in-old-West-town story with animated animals) and Born To Be Free 3D (IMAX documentary about foster programs for elephants and orangutans). I previously only knew about Hall Pass, Drive Angry, Rango, and Born To Be Free but after viewing this featurette, I am more interested in seeing every film -- Rango, Of Gods and Men, and Born To Be Free most intensely. 4 stars.

Patton Oswalt: No Reason to Complain: Uncensored (2004)

Patton Oswalt: No Reason to Complain is a brief but largely satisfactory performance from Patton. I enjoy this guy's voice and ability to sound reasonably intelligent as well as to go "over the top" with whining or hamming it up for the audience. Some of his comedic bits fell flat though and I just feel he is normally better than the first half of this performance. I laughed more during the second half. 3.5 stars.