SpongeBob SquarePants: The Movie (2004)

No one in their right adult mind becomes a Spongebob fan. Friends don't encourage friends to acquaint themselves with the goofiest of goobers. These provisos aside, you don't watch Spongebob Squarepants unless you still are in touch with your inner rugrat. So once you've surrendered your will and allowed your brain to be basted in the sheepdip soup that is Spongebob, I wash my hands of all responsibility. The outcome of your sanity is on your own head. The first Squarepants movie begins as Eugene Krabs prepares to open the Krusty Krab 2 restaurant. Plankton stumbles upon a long-forgotten plan to steal the Krabby Patty formula that involves co-opting King Neptune and (still) taking over the world. This time though it actually works! To save the day, Spongebob and Patrick go on a dangerous quest that tests the seriousness of purpose belied by their disingenuous childlikeness. Through it all, though, they remain truly unabashed Goofy Goobers. (Sing out loud on Goofy Goober Rock!) Be prepared to witness a few brief cartoon wardrobe malfunctions and if your eyes cause you to sin on seeing David Hasselhoff in a Speedo, well, you know what to do. Again, this one's for the kiddos so if you're a grownup, stay away if you can manage it at all -- unless you've already gone over to the Wet Side. The guest voice talent (Jeffrey Tambor, Alec Baldwin, Scarlett Johansson) is fairly good all around and David Hasselhoff does a cheerfully campy job in his (mostly) live-action role. The extras include two making-of featurettes and two marine-life minidocumentaries (one with a droll Jean-Michel Cousteau) that my preteen son enjoyed. 3.5 stars.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Lost in Time (2005)

Lost in Time is a collection of six SBSP episodes (plus a jousting game) that are pretty good: Dunces & Dragons (a jousting accident sends Spongebob and Patrick to a time and setting reminiscent of Medieval Times restaurant, 2 parts, 4.5 stars), Selling Out (Mr. Krabs sells his restaurant to a chain that turns it into Krabby O'Mondays in a spoof of TGI Fridays -- where you should avoid going to "have a talk with [fist-pound] Human Resources," 4 stars), Funny Pants (Squidward tricks Spongebob into losing his manic laughter for 24 hours, 3 stars), Mermaidman & Barnacle Boy VI -- The Motion Picture (Ernest Borgnine and Tim Conway again voice the perfect postmodern action duo -- "Evil has no place here -- for parking -- between the hours of 6 pm and 6 am!" as has-been TV actors the studio wants to replace in the superheroes' first motion picture, 4.5 stars), Enemy-in-Law (Plankton woos Mr. Krabs' mother -- to get the Krabby Patty secret formula?, 3.5 stars), and Patrick Smartpants (a knock on the noggin turns Patrick into a pedantic egghead who realizes he just wants his friends back, 4 stars). 86 min. Overall 4 stars.

A Light in the Forest (2002)

I'm a sucker for a fairy tale but this fairy tale seems to be the sucker while I'm the suckee. Still, it's a cute enough attempt at a modernized fairy tale with a fairly low budget. Let's just say it's a shade better for acting than Moesha's Wizard of Oz but about the same for script and special effects. Danielle Nicolet plays the beautiful, sorrowful Britta who moves to Hollywood to live with her grandmother (Carol Lynley, whose career goes back to the early 1950s) and attend high school. Lindsay Wagner as Miss Audrey is barely better than her wooden Sleep Number Bed commercials but Eddie Albert Jr. is an enjoyable farce as the evil King Otto. (In defense of his warped nature, his name is Otto and he has a mwah-ha-ha! laugh that the mother of any despot, mad scientist, or Klingon warrior could love.) My favorite is Witch Hazel (Alexandra Ford), who has an evil cackle to match, a crone's face only a troll could love, and she can really work that tongue! (Iggh!) Our story begins as Holly Boy (Christopher Khayman Lee, previously just a Power Ranger but handsome if Pan-ish) is frozen in stone so that the Christmas spirit may be defeated "for a time." Ages later, he's reborn from his statue in Hollywood (get it?) to restore Britta's happiness and the joyous Christmas spirit -- and defeat a plan to raze the Hollywood forest and school to boot. Danielle's talent show performance is a crowd pleaser! Families with young kiddos should enjoy this movie if they don't mind "magical" elements reminiscent of Lord of the Rings, Willow, and Morgan le Fay -- esp. when humorously paired with modern-day school and city officials. Besides the often plodding script, oatbag acting, Casio keyboard soundtrack, and PSP-grade special effects, I had a few chuckles. I hope you enjoy this wannabe Christmas classic. 2.5 stars.

Thesis (Tesis) (1996)

Angela, a mass communications graduate student in Madrid, seeks "really violent" film images for her thesis on violence and its negative effects on the family. She stumbles on a "snuff film" at her university that records a coed's sadistic slaughter. (Thesis is a film for mature minds since it contains brief audio and video portrayals of violent torture and death.) She gradually identifies the victim and a suspected killer. Angela is stoic but her investigation affects her in unforeseen ways and she increasingly earns the fear that I felt for her life. She encounters a creepy (gore film fan) guy who mostly helps her investigation and a creepy (control freak) guy who might be the killer. Then the circles of influence and suspicion and menace expand as they intersect. Who did it? Is that someone going to do it again? Does anyone have Angela's back? Thesis as a suspense film had me surprised and worried right up to the end -- though as a social commentary film, its ending (like that of Network) frankly could leave me with even longer-lasting nightmares. I enjoyed comparing the Spanish dialog to the English subtitles, which universally failed to translate puta and joder (except for once rendering "No me jodas" as "Don't play with me.") Rented from a competing service since our favorite service here has not stocked it in several years. 4 stars.

City of Ember (2008)

City of Ember is something like Blast from the Past meets Brazil -- or Naked Lunch. Our story begins as octogenarian scientists, anticipating the extinction of mankind, establish a subterranean colony and momentously seal a time capsule with instructions for egress that will open in 200 years. Well, best laid plans and all that, so more than 200 years later, the colony is increasingly crumbling over the heads of the figurehead mayor (Bill Murray) and the blindly trusting populace -- never a good combination. Enter two perceptive youths who are motivated to make a difference, Doon Harrow (Harry Treadaway) and Lina Mayfleet (Saoirse Ronan). Doon's conflicted father Loris (Tim Robbins) gives him a life's worth of advice with a gift and the words "Pay attention, pay attention to everything, everything you see. Notice what no one else notices..." Doon's boss (Martin Landau) plays a key role in the resolution, which is harrowing but no Jurassic Park. I love the art direction, sets, and supporting actors in this film. It's a strong offering though not an overpowering one. I'd love to own it soon. 4.5 stars.

The George Burns & Gracie Allen Collection (1950)

The George Burns & Gracie Allen Show marked the pinnacle of their career for the much-beloved star couple who met in vaudeville in the 1920s before moving to radio and then to television. The show aired from 1950 to 1958 -- when Gracie retired for medical reasons (8 years before her passing and 38 years before his) -- once every other week for the first two years and weekly thereafter for a total of 291 episodes. This scant 5-disc collection includes barely 5 hours of programming -- just eight 29-minute episodes (First Show, Gracie's Tax Return, Speech Writer, Gracie's Checking Account, Gracie's Wedding Plans, Teen Visit, Swami, and Beverly Hills Society) plus the fairly informative 50-minute documentary Hollywood Couples: George Burns and Gracie Allen. You can't miss the folksy Carnation evaporated milk commercials woven throughout every show. For the most part, it's worth it to see entire programs with George's smart scriptwriting and innovative narrator/monologist introduction (always with the cigar) and Gracie's ditsy rejoinders (scripted and rendered with a master touch). George loved Gracie so much -- and it showed. She always got top billing and he always gave her full credit for his stardom. He wasn't just being humble, since on occasion he would prove he couldn't sing -- but (as seen at the end of Teen Visit) could they dance! The most successful comedians are realists and the best-loved ones know how to love life -- these two proved so in spades. There may be better episodes that could have been included so be aware that 1950s television was more about a loose gestalt of relationship than a concentration on patter and riposte, much less laughter. (There might be three really funny lines in an entire half-hour.) Either way, the Fifties shouldn't be forgotten since they remind us that society owes a huge debt to the social niceties and common sense. (Note: The episode called Swami has no audio and has been reported to Customer Service.) IW. 3 stars.

White Nights (1985)

If you consider ancient history to be such things as the 1980s or the Cold War, at least don't equate these two things with "cheese" and "what were the superpowers thinking?" Nothing is ever completely outmoded -- will disco and bellbottoms ever die? -- and the Cold War was a deadly serious era in world history. I saw White Nights in the theater and on videotape and I remain impressed with its dead-on sense of cultural accuracy -- and, Lord, the dancing! I am not a dance or ballet aficionado per se but I can appreciate an astounding and world-class performance when I see it. Baryshnikov was a god and Hines was a lord of dance; together they are simply incredible. For me, White Nights captured the abject fear of life in Soviet captivity coupled with the joy of dance and the determination to escape. Come at long last to DVD in August 2006 and finally available on this service two years later. Don't miss it! 4 stars.

Crazy People (1990)

To anyone who works in creative communications or cultural criticism, it's a potential motherlode of a story premise: What if an ad executive went off the deep end and stopped telling people the lies they want to hear and started telling them the truths they really need to hear (ostensibly to make informed and beneficial consumer decisions)? Wouldn't it be a refreshing change -- and make for a better world? I'm not the first person to wish the premise had been tackled by taller talent than the slosh-happy drunk from Arthur and Arthur 2 and the toes-in-two-worlds girl from Splash. Someone in a seminar I attended 15 years ago actually screened Crazy People for our monthly cultural discussion -- but as the credits rolled, we all admitted there was nothing "there" to discuss and felt sheepish for the person who made the selection. What can you expect of a movie where the most memorable slogan is "Buy Volvos. They're boxy but they're good"? (Only slightly better if less original is the horror movie slogan "It won't just scare you, it'll f--- you up for life.") Crazy People is amiable pap that acts like a juvenile (or a juvenile's idea of a crazy person) when you hoped for a poignant and even hilarious exchange between grownups. 2 stars.

The Pink Panther Classic Cartoon Collection: The Inspector (1969)

Classic episodes of the Inspector Clouseau cartoons include my 25-year personal favorite Reaux, Reaux, Reaux Your Boat. ("Do not say Si, say Oui!" "Si, Senor, I mean, Oui.") The Pink Panther Classic Cartoon Collection: The Inspector: Vol. 1 (Add and Play title) was formerly listed here as (and can still be called up using the link for) The Pink Panther Classic Cartoon Collection: The Inspector: Vol. 6. However, these 34 cartoons originally aired as The Pink Panther Show, where the Inspector and Deux-Deux were ably voiced by Pat Harrington Jr. just 15 years into his still-active 55-year career. The Commissioner and his wife were often voiced by Paul Frees and June Foray. Disc 1 includes seventeen 5- to 6-min episodes: The Great Degaulle Stone Operation (Clouseau must protect the de Gaulle diamond from a shadowy three-headed thief), Reaux, Reaux, Reaux Your Boat (Clouseau and Deux-Deux must arrest a ship of thieves), Napoleon Blown-Aparte (a mad bomber has a field day with Clouseau), Cirrhosis of the Louvre (a shape-shifting art thief called The Blotch sacks the Louvre), Plastered In Paris (Clouseau and Deux-Deux pursue Mr. X across Africa), Cock-A-Doodle Deux-Deux (Clouseau and Deux-Deux finger the poultry that purloined Mrs. Pouletbon's diamond), Ape Suzette (Clouseau and Deux-Deux must arrest a sailor with a fistfighting ape), The Pique Poquette of Paris (Clouseau and Deux-Deux muist arrest the four-armed pickpocket Spider Pierre), Sicque! Sicque! Sicque! (Clouseau and Deux-Deux investigate a mad scientist's house as Deux-Deux transforms back and forth into a hideous creature), That's No Lady--That's Notre Dame! (Clouseau and Deux-Deux dress as women to catch a culprit only to get the Commissioner in trouble with his wife), Unsafe And Seine (Clouseau and Deux-Deux travel the world to meet a secret agent who turns out to be not what they expected), Toulouse La Trick (Clouseau is handcuffed to and dragged behind Toulouse Le Moose), Sacre Bleu Cross (Clouseau has bad luck entering the hideout of Hassan the Assassin), La Quiet Squad (the overworked Commissioner needs bed rest and Clouseau must ensure his peace and quiet), Bomb Voyage (Clouseau and Deux-Deux travel to an alien planet to free the abducted Commissioner), Le Pig-Al Patrol (Pig-Al and his cycle-gang cohorts thwart Clouseau's approaches to their hideout), and Le Bowser Bagger (his canine partner Private Bowser needs no help from Clouseau). The Pink Panther Classic Cartoon Collection: The Inspector: Vol. 2 (Save but not Play title) is also available as The Inspector Collection (Save and Play title but in a different episode order). Disc 2 includes seventeen 5- to 6-min episodes: Le Cop on Le Rocks (a Clouseau lookalike gets him put in prison, where all his escape efforts fail and even lengthen his sentence), Le Escape Goat (an elusive criminal makes repeated attempts on the Commissioner's life, each time leaving Clouseau in a compromising position), Crow de Guerre (Clouseau declares war on a jewel-thieving crow yet all his efforts backfire), Canadian Can-Can (Clouseau is assigned to the Canadian Mounted Police and pursues Two-Faced Harry), Tour De Farce (Clouseau is stranded on a desert island with a brutish convict as each tries to get the upper hand), The Shooting of Caribou Lou (Caribou Lou abducts Clouseau, whose attempts to escape all fail), London Derriere (after pursuing Louie the Swine to London, Clouseau must apprehend the armed jewel thief without use of his gun -- "No shooting please, old boy"), Les Miserobots (Clouseau is replaced by a mechanical policeman and all his attempts to eliminate the robot backfire), Transylvania Mania (a Transylvanian mad scientist who is "creating monsters without a license" and a dopey henchman -- "Teensy-weensy!" "Biggie-wiggie!" -- pursue Clouseau for his brain), Bear De Guerre (Clouseau goes quail hunting despite the prohibitions of a park ranger and a muscular bear), Cherche Le Phantom (Clouseau and Deux-Deux pursue an opera-house phantom to the Paris Zoo), Le Great Dane Robbery (Clouseau must sneak past an embassy guard dog named Tiny to recover a stolen code book), Le Ball and Chain Gang (Clouseau pursues a husband and wife to their home, where he tries to gain entry as they bicker over who is guilty of what), La Feet's Defeat (Clouseau and Deux-Deux must track down Muddy La Feet through booby traps and land mines), French Freud (Clouseau wonders if he's accident-prone as he faces constant booby traps while protecting the Du Barry diamond and courting actress Melanie Mercurochrome), Pierre and Cottage Cheese (Dirty Pierre the Punk escapes from prison and Clouseau must reapprehend him -- with the advice of a Chinese mechanical robot), and Carte Blanched (Clouseau borrows a shopping cart and is incessantly pursued for stealing one). Guest voices by Rocky & Bullwinkle's Paul Frees and June Foray. IW. 3.5 stars. (2-16-09)

The Wedding Singer (1998)

I've finally seen The Wedding Singer, or Happy Gilmore meets Saving Silverman. My favorite serious (post-2000) Adam Sandler movies were (in descending order) Punch Drunk Love, Spanglish, and 50 First Dates; from his juvenile (pre-2000) period, my only favorite was Happy Gilmore. Until now. The Wedding Singer is a creative paean to '80s pop music. Adam is Robbie, the rockstar wannabe who settled for a career as a wedding singer and a vocation as the amiable schmuck who does favors for everyone -- until realizes he's missing out. He happens upon perky Drew Barrymore and they fall in love -- short weeks before each of them plans to marry someone else. (Twists ensue.) What are two sweet kids gonna do? Adam channels his inner Gilmore a few times to vent his rage, most memorably to sing the Cure-ish song "Love Stinks." Drew's bemused expressions are always a vision, esp. as she waits for a flight to Las Vegas. Everyone in the ensemble cast gets the spotlight and shines in their supporting or bit parts, which also makes this movie memorable. But what what really frosts the cake is the '80s hair, the '80s clothes, and the '80s music -- piles of it! (Don't miss the '80s references or the '80s relics either. Billy Idol is a hoot at the end.) And who can forget Adam's sweet falsetto closing song "Grow Old With You"? (Or for that matter, after taking in this movie, who can forget the old chestnut "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?" -- and like it that way?) I'd give The Wedding Singer an easy 4 stars but its unnecessarily vulgar language soured me down to 3.5 stars. (2-7-09)

The Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey (2007)

Tom Berenger is the unkempt, antisocial Jonathan Toomey, a gifted woodworker with a secret loss of which we learn at the outset. Dire circumstances after their own great loss bring a still-mourning mother and embittered son (Joely Richardson and Luke Ward-Wilkinson) to his cabin door to request that he carve a replacement Nativity scene. Brooding and for good reason, Toomey initially refuses, but after the good graces of the boy's mother prevail, he accepts the commission (though as always with the words "It'll be ready when it's ready") and even gradually warms up to social contact with them. The resolution of his inner conflict feels rushed though it rings as true as the rest of the emotions in this sentimental depiction of bygone times. Based on a children's book that's popular with homeschoolers, the movie borders on sepia tones and snow-globe scenery and should become an instant Christmas classic with The Waltons fans. In my own efforts to view every Christmas program in existence, I find this direct-to-video production to be nostalgically filmed and convincingly acted. Recommended viewing for the whole family esp. those who prefer old-time or Santa-free stories. 3.5 stars.

The Pink Panther (1963)

The 1960s: It's all we had before Mad Men. And oh, how The Pink Panther does the Sixties: the women's hair, the women's clothes, the dinner parties, the smoking, and the catchy musical number (see en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ It_Had_Better_Be_Tonight for the lyrics to Meglio Stasera, or, It Had Better Be Tonight). I hadn't seen this Peter Sellers classic since grad school but it remains an absolute standard in the annals of perfectly measured, underplayed, hilarious physical humor. (Based on the previews alone, I expect to spew French champagne -- in disgust, not mirth -- when I view Steve Martin's palsied attempts to portray Inspector Clouseau's verbal and physical humor.) Its simplicity may date it a bit after 45 years -- and, during the Seventies, Sellers' slapstick became gradually broader and more violent -- but in my mind you just cannot get closer to the Zen of the perfect pratfall outside of Peter Sellers' Pink Panther pantheon. His ineptitude is unstintingly matchless: He's so in love with his wife (Capucine as Simone Clouseau here, Lady Charles Litton in 1964's A Shot in the Dark and other sequels) that he literally hasn't a clue -- and her half of the lovebirds' duet is played flawlessly (with all due irony). Claudia Cardinale was even more deadpan than Sophie Marceau opposite Pierce Brosnan -- and all her lines were dubbed since she couldn't speak English -- but her fireside banter with David Niven felt spontaneous and sweet. It's just as well, since she's playing the ice (virgin) princess to her people and her heritage; in the end, she's probably the most humanized character in the cast -- except for Clouseau's sympathetic uberschlub. (Niven was supposed to the the star of the series but the unknown Sellers immediately became the much-loved focus of the franchise.) You simply must see the original Pink Panther movie. It's classic Sixties and it's classic lowkey schtick. Gotta love it! 4.5 stars. (2-5-09)

Muppet Treasure Island (1996)

The original Muppet Movie can never be replaced in the panoply of Muppet cinema heartwarmers, but for pure polish and pizzazz, Muppet Treasure Island is my favorite Muppet movie, hands down. It stands 17 years beyond the 1970s in the sophistication, pacing, and focus of its storytelling and cinematography so it has more in common with Disney's Dinosaur (2000) than Sid and Marty Kroft's Land of the Lost (1974) -- even though it's most comparable with Jim Henson's Dinosaurs (1991-1994). Directed by Brian Henson, Muppet Treasure Island is built around a coherent literary tale yet it is besotted with the mugging Muppet characters (old and new) that we know and love. It's packed with funny, memorable lines and songs. Tim Curry and Billy Connolly are at their schmaltziest as live actors and Steve Whitmire, though uncredited, voices a completely creditable Kermit and Rizzo. Fozzie Bear, as the half-wit son of Squire Trelawny, introduces us to Mr. Bimble (the man who lives inside his finger) and finances the ship's voyage on "the big blue wet thing." Of course, Muppet Treasure Island has pirates -- scurvy swaggering pirates with names like Blind Pew, Easy Pete, Old Tom, Real Old Tom, Dead Tom, Short Stack Stevens, Clueless Morgan, and the scurviest pirate of them all -- Long John Silver. Tim Curry's scene-chewing scalawag is shameless in one of his favorite roles and I can never get enough of his tune "A Professional Pirate." Kermit and Miss Piggy's love song, "Love Led Us Here," is even a sentimental favorite. Gonzo has great lines ("Off to Zanzibar to meet the Zanzibarbarians!" and "He's got demons? Cool!") as does Miss Piggy ("You're a frog. You're supposed to have cold feet" and "I'm a pig! I need commitment!"). What's not to love? 5 stars. (2-5-09)

Secrets of the Dead: The Hunt for Nazi Scientists (2005)

As WWII entered its final year, British and American teams of agents forged their way into Germany ahead of the front lines, hard-pressed to locate and capture the German scientists and materiel key to advanced Nazi war technology: the first ballistic (suborbital) V-2 rocket, a snub rocket-powered Messerschmidt that could fly 120 mph faster than any other warplane, the largest (and secret) underground munitions factory in the world, and a nuclear reactor with thousands of pounds of enriched uranium. This documentary tells the fascinating story of Operation Alsos -- detailing each objective and challenge, often in the agents' own words -- with able narration and augmented with official and rare newsreel footage. For just one example, the only Allied test pilot to fly the Messerschmidt after its capture -- after all ten German test pilots died trying -- describes the experience for several minutes as we witness the harrowing flight record on original documentary footage. We learn how close Germany was to winning the air war and building a nuclear bomb -- though more importantly, how close Russia was as we promptly entered the Cold War. This documentary is also sensitive about slave-labor-camp survivors who were exploited by the Nazis and (not unwittingly) the German rocket scientists yet who 25 years later saw Werner von Braun hailed as an American hero for putting men on the moon. Very nicely done with an intelligent and suspenseful narrative. 4 stars. (2-4-09)

Get Smart's Bruce & Lloyd Out of Control (2008)

Naturally, watch the much funnier Get Smart before you make the optional choice to view Bruce & Lloyd Out of Control, since the former sets the stage for the latter. Bruce & Lloyd is Get Smart's, in a word, sidekick. It's a simultaneous-story spin-off starring the two hapless techies who work under Maxwell Smart (when he's not Agent 86 on a mission with Agent 99). Now don't be cynical or harsh on Bruce & Lloyd; they're just doing their job. In a word, they're nerds (engineers). They love technology. They would fit right in on Dilbert. They're not field agents doing "wet work"; to them, "wetware" is the corpus callosum. So they get to go out in the field, take risks, and face danger (then pick themselves up from a dead faint). Yes, it's sophomoric humor -- but nerds are not prima donnas that way. Let them have their fun -- and if you laugh too, well then it's all good. As it is, we see less than two minutes each of several other Get Smart characters (Alan Arkin as Chief, Patrick Warburton as Hymie, Kelly Karbacz as Judy the receptionist, and Anne Hathaway as Agent 99) but way too much of Staplehead (Larry Miller as Underchief), though he's essential to the plot. We even get some eye candy (Jayma Mays as Nina in forensics and Marika Dominczyk as Isabelle from Maraguay). My youngest son and I came across Bruce & Lloyd on cable and enjoyed it. No, it's not as funny as Get Smart -- but it's better than a bite from a mechanical horsefly. If you're a techie-type person at all, you've gotta love these guys -- esp. their juvenile insecurities about finding a girlfriend (not that they'd know what to do with one if they did). IW. 3.5 stars. (2-1-09)

American Experience: J. Edward Oppenheimer (2009)

This two-hour American Experience examination of the professional contributions and subsequent political persecution of J. Edward Oppenheimer, head of the Manhattan and Los Alamos nuclear-bomb development projects, is the most in-depth and thoughtful treatment I have yet seen. I learned a lot I didn't know. America must never forget how, after Oppenheimer pulled America's (and the world's) bacon out of the fire of World War II with the defeat of Germany and Japan, petty bureaucrats destroyed his reputation and public-service career in a kangaroo court of public opinion. "America should not eat its own young" said one historical figure of Oppenheimer the pacifist's persecution, a few years before President Dwight Eisenhower warned us in his farewell address that "in the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex" and McCarthyism spread its ugly tentacles. 4 stars.

George Balanchine's The Nutcracker (1993)

For 50 years now, George Balanchine's The Nutcracker has been the New York City Ballet's traditional, timeless, and beloved rendition of Tchaikovsky's masterpiece. This production was filmed in widescreen and even includes postproduction special effects from George Lucas' Skywalker Ranch. (I wondered how they did the towering Christmas tree, the floating bed, and the flying sleigh until I saw ILM listed in the credits. The special features explain how the special effects were considered essential to producing the film though intentionally kept low-tech.) The first half of the film centers on a half-dozen families' traditional Christmas celebration -- esp. dancing and toys; after Drosselmeyer's pivotal appearance, Clara (here named Maria) is saved and crowned by her Nutcracker Prince -- here played by Macaulay Culkin, who generally employs the same blandly winsome expressions he parlayed in the first two Home Alone movies. The second half of the film displays impressive individual and ensemble ballet performances esp. by the Sugarplum Fairy (Darci Kistler) and her Cavalier (Damian Woetzel). These two and other key figures in the ballet are a joy to watch and the costumes and choreography seem impeccable. Throughout, Kevin Kline ably narrates in a calm, dulcet tone. 4 stars. (2-1-09)